Kids Can... Find
Dealing with Anger & Disagreements
the ways we can handle strong feeling is through making ourselves
take deep slow breaths and putting our attention on something that
makes us feel peaceful --
silently counting to ten or reciting the alphabet backwards as we do
this deep breathing. This method is especially helpful when we feel
we might be about to do or say something we will regret. If possible,
take a break from the person or situation that triggered your upset.
My Plan for Peace
we need to get the feeling out by doing.
But do something that doesn't hurt you or the other person. Some
people hit a pillow, stamp the floor, tense up their muscles really
hard then relax them, make a yelling sound [into a pillow if you need
to be a little quieter], or hit a punching bag, throw beanbags at a
wall. Engaging in
kind of physical exercise can be helpful -- walking, running,
aerobics, push ups, etc. Some people do a vigorous project like
pulling weeds or cleaning their room.
about your feelings is very important too.
Don't simply "stuff
down" your feelings about what happened. If you feel you can't
talk to the person you are upset with, find someone else who is
willing to "just listen". If you can't find such a person,
or the feelings seem too private, try writing them down. You can
write in a journal, or even write a letter to someone. You can tear
the letter up when you are done. Or, when you have calmed down, you
can read it over and rewrite it for the person you are upset with.
out for comfort.
Find someone who can give you a hug, make you laugh,
and just generally let you know you are loved. It's very important to
remind ourselves that we are part of network of kindness and caring
-- especially when something painful has just happened.
When you want to lash out at someone in anger, try to
imagine what you would feel like if you were them.
has just hurt you, remember that you are a valuable person-- no
matter what! Remember that everyone makes mistakes and that everyone
has problems. No one has the right to make you feel like a bad
person just because they
think you should be different than you are.
Just remember, usually people will pick on someone who has a problem
or a difference that is obvious. Lots of people have problems or
differences that can be noticed from the outside. It's hardly fair
to judge people -- especially on that kind of basis.
We can also learn
how to resolve conflicts.
means, working out our fights and disagreements without hurting each
other. Without hitting or name calling or trying to embarrass the
these rules for talking to someone you are upset with:
to give each other a chance to express the problem and some possible
solutions. Agree not to call names or to try shaming or hurting each other.
the solution, not just the problem. For example, "When you said
_____, I felt ____. I would feel less insulted if you said it this
way, _____." In other words, be sure to tell the other person
what it is you want-- not just how they upset you. Try to be very specific.
the other person a chance to talk too. Really listen. When they are
finished, repeat back what you think they just said, in your own
words. Then ask if that is what they meant.
you talk about your feelings, use "I statements". That
means you can say things like: "I feel really mad right
now", instead of "You really make me mad." This helps
the other person listen to us and understand -- instead of just
feeling yelled at.
can't work it out , or are becoming even more angry with each other,
take a break. Maybe you both need more time to think it over and calm
down. Or maybe you need to find someone to help you talk it out.
Maybe a teacher or parent could help, or a friend who won't take
sides. Possibly a counselor may need to help you work it out . I
must learn how
can get our needs met and
be safe --
so that we can feel okay -- while letting other people be just who
Discover your Helpful Words
We need to work on
feeling good about ourselves
as well; then when the other person is
just having a bad day, it won't be so upsetting for us.
must all make the commitment not to hurt each other (or
for being different or for acting as hoped for. We must
there is a better way to deal with the feelings that come up in tough
situations. Thinking about these ways now, as we have been doing
all through this page, will help us know what to do when something
Watch a short online Movie about Bullying
Watch a short Movie about Being Angry
worry if your boat gets a little stuck.)
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