Getting kids to sleep definitely makes the top
5 list of parental concerns. Often it ranks in at #1 simply because
it can become the issue that totally topples a household. Exhausted
parents square off against exhausted children -- film at 11:00.
It's
obvious that helping children develop good sleep patterns, early on,
helps everyone in the family have better days together. Children are
generally better behaved and more cooperative when well rested. Parents
generally sleep better when their children sleep soundly. Well
rested parents are more patient, more fun, and better at working family
challenges through in a positive manner. And there is less tension
in the household when bedtime proceeds in a smooth and predictable
fashion.
But just
as important,
as your children grow, getting a good night’s sleep will help them do
better at school. For example according to a study published in the
May 2000 issue of Developmental Psychology,
a journal published by APA (American
Psychological Association), chronic sleep deprivation in 6th
graders may cause “adverse cognitive, behavioral and emotional
consequences”. In other words, it’s harder to learn when you’re half
asleep, and harder to handle the increasing complex social situations
and conflicts that come with middle school. But how can we help kids
lay the foundation of good sleep patterns now?
Be
Kind Unwind
One of the
biggest problems kids can develop at the end of the day is how to
unwind. Children can become emotionally over-stimulated (from a big
day, too much sugar, being over-tired, highly emotionally charged
events, etc.) and then it is hard for them to fall asleep. It almost
seems like they sense that in order to go from that over energized,
slightly manic state to the restful state the precedes sleep they will
have to pass through that really uncomfortable state of being back in
touch with their over-tired and uncomfortable part of themselves.
Physical discomfort, anxiety, etc. are all things they may be trying to
avoid through continuing to choose more stimulating activities.
So we
may need to help them learn how to unwind and self-calm. Warm bath,
massage, cuddling, nursing/feeding, lullabies – all work especially well
for infants. In addition some people like to try playing tapes or CDs
of nature sounds, heart beat, ocean sounds, etc. And many of these
techniques will still appeal to preschool aged children, along with
story time, having a special stuffed animal to cuddle, etc. (Note
that warm milk at bedtime must be followed by brushing teeth!)
As
children grow it’s important to remember that they must have down time
during the day, so that they can process their day through role play,
art, and imaginative play. They may also want quiet time to talk with
you about their day. Telling you about their day builds connections (if
you try to really listen) and helps them process both exciting and
troubling events. (Try to use “reflective listening” skills rather than
give too much advice.) However don’t make a habit of waiting until
bedtime to talk about the day’s troubles! It’s not a great time for us
to bring things up, as children are tired and vulnerable, and their
minds open to suggestion. And bedtime will go quicker if we make space
for this earlier in the day. However, if something is really troubling
your child at bedtime, it may be quicker to take 5 or 10 minutes to be
a good listener, than to brush them off and spend the whole evening
fighting a kid who keeps getting out of bed and etc.
Further
Ways to Help Get Them to Bed:
Keep to a consistent schedule.
This helps a child develop a sense that "this is how things are",
that the bedtime routine is just part of life -- rather than
something you are arbitrarily imposing. This helps to
avoid power struggles. Plus, with a regular schedule their
bodies will begin to release melatonin at a predictable time each
night, helping them feel sleepy and relaxed. This puts biology
on your side.
Don't give in to the temptation to let your child stay up late
"until they seem sleepy".
Most young children become more
energized as they move into that overtired and overwhelmed state.
The more exhausted they are, the more they will fight sleep.
And the more likely they will be plagued by anxieties, either at bed
time or during the night.
Have a routine that follows a predictable order
– for example: pajamas, tooth brushing, story, lights out.
This helps kids know what to expect.
Let
your child know ahead of time before changing activity.
“It’s getting close to bed time. 15 more minutes (of current
activity or etc).” “Okay, 5 more minutes until bed. Time to
finish up.” This is a help to all young children, who
invariably have difficulty with transitions. But it helps
reduced frustrations and tensions in older children as well.
Plus, it conveys and invites more mutual respect.
For
young children, break jobs into small steps.
Rather than “Go get ready for bed,” try “Okay, let’s put some
toothpaste on your toothbrush.” Etc.
Make
the bedtime routine an enjoyable part of the day
– a toothbrush they helped pick out
at the store, pajamas that are comfortable and pleasing, a favorite
blankie and cuddlies, plus cuddly one-on-one time together with you
for stories and/or lullabies.
Put
a positive spin on it. Rather than
“It’s time to go to bed now,” try “All right, it time to get pajamas
on and get ready for story time! Which stories are we going to read
tonight?” Let this be your special time together. Give
yourself, as parent, permission to relax and unwind.
Keep a special basket of library books on hand.
Tired of reading the same old stories over and over at bedtime?
Make it more fun for yourself by helping your child select some
quality library books that you too may enjoy. Then rotate
these as needed so that story time doesn't doesn't become too dull,
for either of you. Accommodate a very young child's need for
repetition by mixing a repeated book in with a fresh one!
Make the end of the bedtime routine predictable too!
For example, if reading stories, pick them out and agree together
which ones will be read – before you begin. “Okay, these 3 board
books? All right, which one first? ….Okay time for our last
story.”
If
your child typically struggles with settling down at the end of the
routine, be sure to discuss expectations at the outset.
“Okay, after we read the last story, then what do we do?”
There may still be some initial struggles. But be kind and
consistent. And always review the rules ahead of time.
Use
all the positive parenting techniques you already know:
Try to stay calm and centered. Acknowledge the child’s desires.
Restate boundaries. Keep your sense of humor. Don’t take it
personally!
Work with your spouse to be on the same team!
Consistency is a key ingredient to success!
Learn not to sweat the little stuff.
If sleep issues are a major crisis in your
home right now, give yourself and your whole family a break.
Let the dusting, the laundry folding, and the vacuuming wait. And
don't freak out if Junior is trotting around the house till noon in
his pajamas (and you are too), or if you're both eating most of your
meals out of a can or the freezer. Just rest your body.
Keep your sense of humor. And know that this too shall
pass. The benefits of keeping calm and coasting through the
present dilemma with mental and physical reserves in tact far
outweigh other considerations. After all, 20 years from now
your child will not remember if your home was clean or messy.
But the smiles and compassion you shared will leave a mark that will
last a lifetime.
1. Make sure there
is a quiet period before your child goes to bed. Establishing a
pleasant routine that may include reading, singing, or a
warm bath. A regular routine will help your child understand
that it will soon be time to go to sleep. If parents work
late hours, it may be tempting to play with their child
before bedtime. However, active play just before bedtime may
leave the child excited and unable to sleep. Limit
television viewing and video game play before bed.
2. Try to set a
consistent schedule
for your child and make bedtime the same time every night.
His sleep patterns will adjust accordingly.
3. Allow your child
to take a favorite teddy bear, toy, or special blanket to
bed each night.
Such comforting objects often help children fall
asleep–especially if they awaken during the middle of the
night. Make sure the object is safe. A teddy bear may have a
ribbon, button, or other part that may pose a choking hazard
for your child. Look for sturdy construction at the seams.
Stuffing or pellets inside the stuffed animal may also pose
a danger of choking.
4. Make sure your
child is comfortable.
Check the temperature in your child's room. Clothes should
not restrict movement. He may like to have a drink of water,
have a night-light left on, or the door left slightly open.
Try to handle your child's needs before bedtime so that he
doesn't use them to avoid going to bed.
5. Try to avoid
letting your child sleep with you.
This will only make it harder for him to learn to settle
himself and fall asleep when he is alone.
6. Try not to return
to your child's room every time he complains or calls out.
A child will quickly learn if you always give in to his
requests at bedtime. When your child calls out, try the
following:
Wait several seconds
before answering. Your response time can be longer each
time to give your child the message that it is time for
sleep. It also gives him the opportunity to fall asleep
on his own.
Reassure your child that
you are there. If you need to go into his room, do not
stimulate the child or stay too long.
Move farther from your child's bed every time you
reassure him, until you can do this verbally without
entering his room.
A Note About the Family Bed:
Please remember that while the
American Academy of Pediatrics advises against letting your child fall
asleep in your bed, many families from a variety of cultures do
let children sleep in their bed without difficulty. In fact, in
some cultures, it is considered cruel to force young children and
especially infants to sleep alone!
Nonetheless within our own
culture, children who sleep separately do not grow into deeply
troubled individuals! So have a sense of humor about the dramatic
advice offered by both camps and just do what works best for you own
family. If you are a light sleeper, or an anxious one, who
would find it that much harder to get a good night's sleep with a baby
in the bed, then don't choose a family bed. If you sleep better
with baby cuddled close, go for it!
Be aware too that some families
choose the middle path. That is, baby sleeps in a bassinet nestled
against the bed so that mom or dad can easily reach over a hand to
comfort. But there are no worries about rolling over on baby,
about baby falling out of bed, or etc. Some families further
extend the practice into toddlerhood by placing a crib mattress on the
floor (only good if you don't have a cold, drafty bedroom floor).
Just be advised that when you
seek to transition your child to sleeping more independently, you will
likely need to do so in gradual increments. It takes a while for a
new way of falling asleep (in a different bed and room) to become
comfortable, for it to feel safe and familiar. You may need to sit
on your child's bed and hold his or her hand for a time to provide that
feeling of safety. (Some parents find they need to lay next
to the child initially.) Over time, make your stay shorter
and shorter -- until it's just a good night kiss.
Sleep is an important part
of your child's daily routine. Regular and adequate sleep
not only gives your child energy and motivation for the day
ahead, but also can enhance his or her learning abilities and
decrease many behavioral problems. On the flip side, lack of
sleep can have a serious effect on concentration, memory,
physical performance and decision making.
Read More...
Adolescents are notorious for staying up late at night and being
hard to rouse in the morning. You may wonder what happened to
that alert youngster who was always up with the sun and in bed
by 9 p.m. You'll be reassured to know that your son or
daughter is following a normal pattern. During teens' high
school years, when they often have to be at school before 8
a.m., their biological clocks undergo a change that makes it
hard for them to fall asleep before 10 p.m. or even 11 p.m.
Read
More ...
This rapidly expanding U.K. site
contains over 100 articles and is expanding by around 10 new
articles each month -- each written by professional journalists or
experts in the field of sleep and sleep related disorders.
First published in 1985, this book is
has been highly acclaimed by some, criticized by others (especially
those supporting a "family bed" approach"). Describes Ferber's
approach for teaching children (including infants) to fall asleep
and sleep through the night on their own. Method depends on allowing
child to remain allow for small set increments of time, which
gradually increase each night. The idea is to reassure the child
that the caregiver has not "gone away" permanently, while gradually
weaning the child of the parents' presence in his/her bedroom.
(Except for intial "tucking in".)
Ferber's approach provides a humane
alternative to the "just let 'em cry it out" advice of earlier
generations. Best suited for parents for whom rocking, cuddling, or
nursing the child to sleep is simply not working out, and who are
"losing it" from lack of sleep!
If you are having difficulties
with sleep routines or middle of the night wakings, you will want to
read this book and then evaluate for yourself whether it's the
approach you want to go with.
Presents a method of gradually
steering your baby toward a full-night’s sleep.
A breakthrough
approach for a good night's sleep--with no tears
There are two schools
of thought for encouraging babies to sleep through the
night: the hotly debated Ferber technique of letting the
baby "cry it out," or the grin-and-bear-it solution of
getting up from dusk to dawn as often as necessary. If you
don't believe in letting your baby cry it out, but
desperately want to sleep, there is now a third option,
presented in Elizabeth Pantley's sanity-saving book The
No-Cry Sleep Solution.
Pantley's successful
solution has been tested and proven effective by scores of
mothers and their babies from across the United States,
Canada, and Europe. Based on her research, Pantley's guide
provides you with effective strategies to overcoming naptime
and nighttime problems. The No-Cry Sleep Solution offers clearly explained, step-by-step ideas that steer your
little ones toward a good night's sleep--all with no crying.
Tips from The
No-Cry Sleep Solution:
Uncover the
stumbling blocks that prevent baby from sleeping through
the night
Determine--and
work with--baby's biological sleep rhythms
Create a
customized, step-by-step plan to get baby to sleep
through the night
Use the Persistent
Gentle Removal System to teach baby to fall asleep
without breast-feeding, bottlefeeding, or using a
pacifier
Right after "Is it a boy
or a girl?" and "What's his/her name?," the next
question people invariably ask new parents is "Are you
getting any sleep?" Unfortunately, the answer is usually
"Not much." In fact, studies show that approximately 25%
of young children experience some type of sleep problem
and, as any bleary-eyed parent will attest, it is one of
the most difficult challenges of parenting.
Drawing on her ten years
of experience in the assessment and treatment of common
sleep problems in children, Dr. Jodi A. Mindell now
provides tips and techniques, the answers to commonly
asked questions, and case studies and quotes from
parents who have successfully solved their children's
sleep problems.
Unlike other books on the
subject, Dr. Mindell also offers practical tips on
bedtime, rather than middle-of-the-night-sleep training,
and shows how all members of the family can cope with
the stresses associated with teaching a child to sleep.
About the Author
Jodi A. Mindell, Ph.D.,
is associate director of the Sleep Disorders Center at
The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. She holds a
Ph.D. in clinical psychology, is professor of psychology
at Saint Joseph's University, and is the author of
numerous publications on pediatric sleep disorders. She
lives with her family in Rosemont, Pennsylvania.
